Perhaps it is the change of seasons or the bleak winter that approaches, or maybe even that my life around me is changing but something gives me an empty feeling. It isn't too often that I express a joy for life. Quite the opposite in fact. Just when things get good and comfortable a big change has to come along a wash away my content for what is. Everyday is a constant struggle to keep a smile on my exhausted face.
Things just got worse. . .
The living situation I am in is less than ideal. Me and the wife-to-be live with our parents and split days that we stay at each others parents. Moving out would seem like the easy solution but that is nearly impossible given that Pitney pays $10 and hour to do the job of at least two people.
The pressure to move out gets ever so greater as things and people in my life change. I just found out yesterday that my father is definitely gonna marry this woman he has only been dating for 4 months. I wanna be happy for him but nothing but sorrow fills my emotions. To top that off he is gonna sell our house and his girlfriend is gonna sell hers so they can start 'fresh'. My house is my calm. I love that house so much. It is essentially my dream home. . .only my father owns it. It is a rancher with an acre of land set in the country. He just recently put solar panels on it to make it much more energy efficient. For years he has been making plans of retiring and settling down in this home for the remainder of his life. All of that has been thrown out the window.
How can I be happy for him or myself?? Maybe with time. . .
But now the seasons changing. A time of year I do not handle well at all. The days are getting much shorter. Everyday I am waking up knowing it is one step closer to old man winter. This past week getting out of bed has been arduous. For days I have fought myself on calling out and as I type this I contemplate whether I will be in work tomorrow.
I just want things to start looking up again. . .and stay that way!!!
Karma? Where are you? I do everything that I feel is right and that does not hurt others. Yet you shit on me everyday. What gives??
