2 Girls 1 Cup

If you haven't heard about this video, you are in luck. You don't wanna know about this video. It isn't long, maybe a minute tops but if you can make it through the video you are stronger than most.
At first sound you think, 'hey, this could be kinky'. Oh god, you couldn't be more wrong. This video has become an online phenomenon. Any search of the video brings up videos of peoples reaction to seeing the video for the first time.
My viewing of it was because of seeing these reaction videos and wondering what the hell they were watching. Well, I gave it a viewing. And I am sorry I did. Ever see a girl take a cottage cheese dump in a cup? Ever see another girl eat it? better yet, ever seen a girl throw up on it then eat it?

Enjoy!!

Is This It?

Time for a change,
Goodbye to the old you,
Hello to the you that has let go,
of the past that haunts eternal.


Looking down ready to jump,
Dizzy as the ground grows small
One step and the wind blows
whipping past my ears,
Could this be the end?,
Old me falling fast,
New me ready to fly
Faster and faster I go,
Terrified of falling further
Will my wings flap?
Closing my eyes
Ground approaches too quickly
Oh God, Oh God!!
All I see is darkness.
Feeling no pain, knowing nothing.
God?. . . God?
No reply but my echo. . .
Silence screams loudly

Speak the Language. . .without the 3rd world accent please!!

"Thank you for calling Chryshler Financial, this is Sundip-Rah Asamabad(gesundheit) speaking. How I help you?".

No, no, no. Put on an Elizabeth, or Frank, or Brian. Someone American. I don't want to spend most the conversation doing verbal sherades trying to figure out what you just said.

More and more big companies are outsourcing the call centers to India and elsewhere alike. HP just recently outsourced all the sevice calls to India. Nothing like hearing an India saying there name is Barbara and how may she help you. What?, your name ain't Barbara sweetheart. Give me your real name. HP wants you to believe you are speaking to someone on this side of the wash. So they tell employees to use American names. The customer then believes they are speaking to the only Indian on the staff and you happened to get the luck of them picking up. Wrong! Call again and you will see it is someone totally different. Perhaps, Michael. Michael also has an Indian accent, big surprise.

Learn the language if you are gonna speak it. And when you DO learn it, DROP THE ACCENT!!! You wouldn't expect me to answer calls for Dubai Enterprises with an American accent, would you Ratel?!?

So after a frustrating 15 minute call with Chrysler Financial, I still do not have the information I was seeking. Let this be a lesson to you Chrysler. When I find out what Saharput said, your car goes on the front lawn and you will never get my business again!!

Say no to a Global Economy. These are just some of the minor effects.

He Said What?!?

I actually overheard this while doing a mail pickup at work: "Yeah, and when i rubbed my eye my cornea kinda exploded." Referring to an eye condition this guy had.

Halloween Pretzels

Fuck You!! Where's the candy??

Coming to a Dumpster Near You

It's time for yet another touchy subject. You guessed it, post-birth abortion. Sure, on the surface it might sound fun maybe even hilarious but it is a serious concern for a few unfortunate parents.

Take for instance the little girl born without a face. click here. Yeah, literally NO face!! Doctors thought it was cleft palate. Only after the child was born did they find out she was missing more than her upper lip and teeth. Here is where modern medicine goes wrong. The doctors kept this child alive. This child should have been given the ol' blue needle. And don't give me "that's horrible" shit either. Would you want to go through life having surgery after surgery trying to construct some resemblance of a face?? Guaranteed this child will be wishing she was dead as she gets older and understands her differences.

Modern medicine has taken away the process of natural selection. What shouldn't have survived childhood is now making this leap into adulthood. . .and reproducing. Further fucking up the gene pool. The human DNA works in such a great way that it generally has less defects as generations pass given that a child gets DNA from two separate people. This helps to 'weed out' the defects. BUT, now that more and more travesties are surviving the DNA gets more polluted. This creates the problems we see with autism, retardation, deformities, and Martino-eh syndrome.

Is this murder? Well, maybe in the States and Canada. But in China they murder the first born if it is a girl. Which is why the yellow race is far superior than any other. Think about it. There are billions of Asians. How many deformed Asians do you here about?? William Hung doesn't count!! As they progress generation after generation they just get better and better. Why are they so good at math, huh? Or why is it all electronics come from the Asian continent? Cause they make it all. If it came from America, a Chinese-American was behind it. Maybe Indian too. It might also have something to do with the theory that Asians are not of this planet. Do you find it to be coincidence that aliens have big heads and slanty eyes too??
Man, if the anti-defamation people see this. Whew, are they gonna have a good laugh!!

The Shining Recut

This is just priceless!
My brother-in-law brought this golden egg to my attention. Genius!!

Brokeback Enterprise - Star Trek Brokeback Mountain Parody

A very nice job editing Star Trek: The Next Generation.
I particuarly enjoy Captain Picard screaming "Love You!!" out of nowhere.

The Random Button

On Wikipedia there is an option for 'Random Article'. Well, DON'T CLICK THE RANDOM ARTICLE BUTTON AT WORK!!!! Otherwise you might find yourself staring at an article for, you guessed it, "Anal Beads". With a picture to help give you an idea of their use. Although pleasurable, they are not to be enjoyed at work. . .well maybe in the bathroom stall. All the grunting might just make it seem like you are taking a massive dump and not actually shoving plastic balls up your ass.

Public Announcment

ATTENTION!!

In Search of Britney's thriving career.

If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of Ms. Spears' career

please contact your local authorities.

Career last seen with Justin Timberlake

You know what makes me pee??

Antioxidants! I started drinking Lipton Pureleaf Iced Tea w/antioxidants and haven't stopped peeing since. there isn't a moment that goes by that i dont say to my self, 'christ, i gotta pee. . .again!!'.

Chopping Block

It looks as though the job hunt might be on. My place of work, which contracts out my actual employer, is cutting a quarter of its workforce. the part that sucks about being contracted out is that if we end up being cut there is no severance package. otherwise, i would probably say 'fuck it, let me go'. so if any readers out there know of any jobs an underqualified guy like me would want, drop me a line.

My Guilty Pleasure of the Week

Lately I have found myself putting a certain song on 'repeat'. That song. . . "Shadow", by the lovely Ms. Britney Spears. Sure, normaly I wouldn't admit this but I have to be quite honest, it is a good song. The lyrics are decent and the song isn't all that poppy at all. It actually has the feel of a good Backstreet Boys song. Of course, you guessed it. . . I also like some Backstreet Boys songs. In particular, "All I Have to Give".

Burglar Foiled by Lack of Valuables

Nicolas Cage got a rude awakening late last night when a burglar attempted a break-in while the actor was home. Although details aren't clear, it is suspected that the burglar was after Cages' career. Newport Beach officials confirmed today that the career had not been successfuly stolen. According to records, Nicolas Cage actually lost his career six years ago in a devastating train wreck.

Times Are Changing

Perhaps it is the change of seasons or the bleak winter that approaches, or maybe even that my life around me is changing but something gives me an empty feeling.
It isn't too often that I express a joy for life. Quite the opposite in fact. Just when things get good and comfortable a big change has to come along a wash away my content for what is. Everyday is a constant struggle to keep a smile on my exhausted face.
Things just got worse. . .
The living situation I am in is less than ideal. Me and the wife-to-be live with our parents and split days that we stay at each others parents. Moving out would seem like the easy solution but that is nearly impossible given that Pitney pays $10 and hour to do the job of at least two people.
The pressure to move out gets ever so greater as things and people in my life change. I just found out yesterday that my father is definitely gonna marry this woman he has only been dating for 4 months. I wanna be happy for him but nothing but sorrow fills my emotions. To top that off he is gonna sell our house and his girlfriend is gonna sell hers so they can start 'fresh'. My house is my calm. I love that house so much. It is essentially my dream home. . .only my father owns it. It is a rancher with an acre of land set in the country. He just recently put solar panels on it to make it much more energy efficient. For years he has been making plans of retiring and settling down in this home for the remainder of his life. All of that has been thrown out the window.
How can I be happy for him or myself?? Maybe with time. . .

But now the seasons changing. A time of year I do not handle well at all. The days are getting much shorter. Everyday I am waking up knowing it is one step closer to old man winter. This past week getting out of bed has been arduous. For days I have fought myself on calling out and as I type this I contemplate whether I will be in work tomorrow.
I just want things to start looking up again. . .and stay that way!!!

Karma? Where are you? I do everything that I feel is right and that does not hurt others. Yet you shit on me everyday. What gives??

Got Sanchez?

Has anyone been watching Celebrity Fit Club? Who the funk thought it would be a good idea to put Screech on? The guy who just a few months ago was in a sex tape performing a Dirty Sanchez on two skanks?!? How he got one girl let alone two, remains inconceivable to me. Anyhow, he is on this show to try and lose weight and save his career(admitidly saying that he needs to save his career). Well, he is turning it into a platform for which he can act like a jerk-off and not try and lose weight but rather attract attention to himself by making extremely distasteful comments to his teammates and about mentally retarded people. In which he said it is damn funny to watch a retard fall down. Also, saying that his teammate could use a vibrator that he is marketing. All the while, gaining weight. I am not surprised though, considering that he smeared a girls poo across her upper lip.

So why did VH1 even put him on the air other than to purposely create drama? Here is to trying to save your house Screech!! Gonna need quite a few more patitions and charity/pity.

In other news:

WTFudgem!! How is it Paris Hilton only spends three days in jail but a 17yr old(at the time) is spending 10 years in jail for receiving oral sex from a 15yr old?!? Oh, by the way, it was taped. Check your local listings.

The kicker being that if he would have had intercourse with the girl it would have only been a misdeamor and there would have been no jail time. But the laws have since changed and now it is no longer a crime in which you serve jail time but they will not release the man citing that they can not retro-act the law. But don't worry, the beloved Paris is out of jail and spending 40 days on house arrest. In no time she will be on the streets driving drunk and possibly killing someone behind the wheel. Thanks for being a model skank-whore!!

Katie Melua - Just Like Heaven

This is, in my opinion, the best version of "Just Like Heaven" out there. For all you Cure fans, I alike, sorry, this song just sounds so much softer and sweeter when sung by Katie Melua. Isn't her voice so sexy and captivating??

"Trouble"

Trouble
Don't you see
That in your bed
I find no sleep
I confess you came because of me
Trouble get behind me now
Trouble let me be

Cold wet stone
Deep river bed
Once so clean and clear now runs red
You know to well
Was me that called you here
Trouble get behind me now
Trouble let me be

Oh sweet day
Leave me behind
I will never call on you
Until the day I die
Pray your mercy shine on me
Pray your mercy shine

Here I stand
Head bowed for thee
My empty heart begs you
Leave me be
But I confess
You know too well
That I have fallen
Pray your mercy give to me
Pray your mercy shine
Trouble, I'll not trouble thee
Let your mercy shine

Cold wet stone
River deep and red
Your cold heart beats inside my head
You know too well
It was me that brought you here
Oh, trouble get behind me now
Trouble let me be
I pray your mercy shine on me
Trouble let me be

Dave Matthews
Trouble